Why were you born like that? Why is your skin like that? Why are you not normal? Why do you like girls?, these were the questions that determined my existence and inaugurated my long-term relation with hate speech. From the street and my family to the Internet and school, discrimination accompanied me since Day 1. This is because I happened to be two awful things together. I am an albino with vision defects and fervent member of the LGBTQ community. Some will mistakenly think
« pity me>>. But I am not ashamed of that. I am profoundly proud of myself and my emotional and intellectual progress I have made by realizing the power of being different from the others.
In the beginning, it was difficult. And it still is. Regarding having a form of albinism, the first thing I encountered was not hate speech explicitly, but a lack of information about this even in medicine. Imagine yourself being born in a hospital of provincial Greece and the doctor looking at you contemptuously and questioning himself why I was so white. If it had not been for my mother’s weakness at this time, she would have hit him hard and I would have thanked her for that. Unfortunately, since then I have come across dozens of cases of ignorance, especially during the early years of school. I noticeably remember myself, first-class of elementary school, being afraid to respond to this specific question; why is your appearance so different from the rest of us? And the answer remains unaltered. Cause I was born this way. I guess I was the first one to say that and Lady Gaga stole that from me! So, yeah, undoubtedly, the primary school was tough for me. Either, I had endured hate speech in an underway and not so obvious way, or I had suffered from implicit discrimination, as we sometimes unconsciously and unintentionally judge someone, I ended up being marginalized. Nobody cared for providing me with vital information about my situation. I did not know that I was entitled to certain rights owning to my disability and that I deserved equal opportunities and chances with the rest of the normal kiddos.
The change came when I finished primary school and went to junior high school. It was not a doctor or a specialist who enlightened me but a professor. It was he who apprize me of my rights, educated me and granted me special books that could facilitate my vision. The lessons I gained from him constituted a one-way street for me. Since then I have never ceased educating myself about albinism, fervently claiming my rights and being inspired by everyday people who do not dwell to their defections but use them to promote change and be productive. I mean, I have friends in university who are blind. Blind! And they are so active and energetic that I admire them. They also urged me to buy a white cane so that I could walk safer, which turned out to be extremely helpful. I have never felt embarrassed about my physical appearance. I detest wearing mascara, fake eyelashes and all this girly stuff that would completely transform and hide my flaws. I am wholeheartedly satisfied with who I am, and I have learned that the best way to respond to hate speech and negativity surrounding me is accepting yourself and have a humorous and vivid disposition, rather than anger.
However, when it comes to the LGBTQ element, things are way more complicated. Undoubtedly, it was something I always knew. At the beginning when I was in a primary school, I had not fully acknowledged that. as children do not give attention to things they do not even comprehend. I played with boys, I enjoyed football and I did not engage in typical and conventional Barbie and girlish stuff and all run fine and smoothly. The drama began in the shitty period of puberty when I started realizing that something did not feel right, and I could not identify myself with my determined gender. I was incompatible with the norms and for that, I have been seriously targeted, stigmatized and been a recipient of toxic and malicious comments online and from my peers and teachers.
Amidst this ill-natured atmosphere and desperate to understand myself and feel attached to somebody who shares my suffering, I was educating myself, while communicating with people in online platforms. I also started talking to a girl and I was open to reaffirming my identity. This did not last long. It was not long after when my parents discovered me. They had taken my cellphone, opened it, and read all my conversations with this girl. I remember my father approaching me and saying; Either you tell what is going on or you will be taken to hospital. My heart was shattered in millions of pieces. I was emotionally and psychologically devastated. I broke any communication with the girl and my relationship with my parents deteriorated. For years, we did not properly communicate, I suffered from depressive and suicidal thoughts and was close to self-harm. I did not talk about my suppressed feelings and I only could take comfort to a very limited circle of friends. I let myself be put in the closet and forgotten.
It was when I thought I could never find joy again, that I would be forever condemned to my silence, that things began to improve. I was lifted off my depression and to honest, I did not do anything about it! My life became much better when I went to a music high school, during which I had the best time of my life and I lived the sweetest of experiences. Music, yes, was my salvation and my greatest source of inspiration. I was so incited, so insecure about everything and through music, I could release all my sentiments and fury into creating art and discovering myself. I breathed new life with music. Her force redeemed me, awaken me, regenerated me, and saved me. Music prevented me from committing self-harm and plunge into an ocean of eternal misery. Music kept me to life.
And my life now is brighter. I connected with the dynamic queer community of my school and I succeeded in entering university, to study Musical Studies, while my eyesight has been ameliorated. My relationship with my family, also, saw a great improvement. My parents gradually came in terms with my difference, accepted it and we often talk about in such a vivid atmosphere. I recollect my father driving me to my girlfriend’s house, talking with her parents and making jokes with him about it! Even my grandma is OK with this!
My deep-rooted battle with hate speech in all its forms changed me and constituted a catalyst for my sentimental, psychological, and mental growth and maturity. I learned that I owe to none to give explanations about who I am. I love being an albino who belongs to the LGBTQ family and finds happiness in simple gestures and things of everyday interaction. Life is too short to hide who you are and prevent yourself from flourish and seek your dreams. We need to embrace our uniqueness, accept ourselves as it is and move forwards. And as we do this and do not let our past stigmatize us, we discover new, wonderful things that are unknown or indifferent to us right now. We need to continue fighting about our rights, speaking against injustice without pleading loyal to hostility and violence, as violence only provokes violence and chaos. The weapons we invoke must be courtesy, knowledge, and of course education. An education what will be extroverted, respectful to all and help us to embrace empathy and responsibility as a way of life. We cannot say everything that comes up from our mind especially when the psychological and sentimental violence we exert infringe upon the rights of a community. We use all this negativity to do what? To harm when we could create something meaningful. This is immoral and unproductive. And for me, that is hate speech. A waste of time and energy, that achieves all but nothing productive and beneficial to the society. It is OK to disagree with somebody but make sure it is a fruitful altercation.
Before finishing my narrative, I would like to address all these people who hurt me and degraded me. I do not hate you. I forgive you for all your wrongdoings. You are damaged and broken and like all people, you too can be fixed. We can change. We must. Few things can keep us apart and separate us. And remember; no one is alone in this world and things are going to get better eventually, no matter the pain and the struggle.
